Northern Beaches - Page o' Stuff 2

Martin Loyd submits further proof that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

A rare insight into the Harley-Davidson production line.   (Click on the pic)

Oh dear, someone's being pulled over.   Wonder what for?   (Click on the pic)

A rant from the webmaster.
Click HERE

If you're going to rear end someone, try to avoid a   large, mean looking, black clad Harley riding gang.   (Click on the pic)

Advice for picking up a fallen bike.   It's for BMW riders, who probably drop their bikes a lot.   (Click on the pic)

Cordless mouse conversion kit.   (Click on the pic)

Suggestions for Middle East peace.   A new road map and a possible Israel-Palestine solution.   (Click on the pics)

Custom bikes with a decidedly sexist flavour.   Sexy yes, but how do they handle?   (Courtesy of Marianne.)   (Click on the pics)

Do you have a crappy van -   but would like a Lamborghini?   Well, just get a new paint job !

Some words of wisdom, via Big Bob.
Click HERE

The 70s have a lot to answer for !   Check out these Swedish rockers ! Ugh !   (Click on the pic)

News flash! Microsoft Purchases Evil From Satan - a link

The new Honda concept bike.   Is it art, is it a bike or is it a joke?   (Click on the pics)

Howard Says Australia Must Back Bush In Order To Become 51st State.
Click HERE for full story

Telstra Offers Instant Messaging
Click HERE for full story

"Only a motorcyclist knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window !"   Now it seems that dogs know what it's like to ride a bike.   You've heard of dikes on bikes?   You've heard of dogs in space?   How about dogs on bikes?   (Click on the pic - external link)

Those southern boys take drag biking a bit to literally !   Front end? You need a front end?   Lucky I wore those knee pads.   (Click on the pic)

They say that the size of a man's dick is inversely   proportional to the size of his bike.   Hmmm . . . .   (Click on the pic)

This is no way to treat a Ducati !   Perhaps the rider is related to the drag biker?   (Click on the pic)

Some disgraceful behaviour from the ladies' auxiliary.
(Click on the pic)

The rules of bedroom golf

Consumer advice on selecting and purchasing a girlfriend

Do you have a thinking problem?

How not to load a car with timber.
(Click on the pic)

A smart answer to a dumb question.

A list of amusing ways to really annoy people.

A touching tale of an ugly cat.

Some random thoughts about important issues.
Submitted by Martin

Great Motorcycle Romance stories from members

One day, Mum was cleaning her son's room, and in a drawer she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word.

She finally asked him, " Well what should we do about this?"

Dad looked at her and said, "Well, I don't think you should spank him."

As of the 1st of January, 2003 all Ulyssians will be required to wear these new helmets
as a way of furthering recognition on the road and our club motto of "behaving disgracefully".
Female riders may opt for a feminine version, which has no balls and optional fart cloud.
Orders may be placed with your local quartermaster. $299 incl. GST.

How to avoid a speeding fine (in a car that is)

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner' card.
The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license,
stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!

There was a news item on TV recently about some miners being trapped in a collapsed mine shaft.
The news reader said that the miners had now been rescued and were suffering from minor injuries.

What would it be like if there was an all female ice hockey league?
There would be really, really intense competition every twenty-eight days or so.

A radar trap in a wheely bin! Is this new police tactic to catch speeders?
Don't worry, yet. I'm told it's in The Netherlands.
It's only a matter of time though . . .

This page brought to you by:-

These comments are rated retty funny, oronic and ctually true.

Memorable quotes from sporting commentators.

"Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Darryl Gibson comes inside of him."
(NZ Rugby commentator)

"This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria....I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing."
(Pat Glenn - Weight lifting commentator)

"This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother."
(Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator)

"He's pulling him off! The Spanish manager is pulling his captain off!"
(Soccer commentator George Hamilton on Spain manager Luis Suarez's substitution of Butragueno during their world cup qualifier with Ireland in Seville, 1992)

"The black players at this club lend the side a lot of skill and flair, but you also need white players in there to balance things up and give the team some brains and some common sense."
(Crystal Palace chairman Ron Noades, speaking in 1991)

"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical."
(Murray Walker)

"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
(Greg Norman)

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."
(Alan Minter)

"The racecourse is as level as a billiard ball."
(John Francombe)

"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
(Terry Venables)

"I would not say he (David Ginola) is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better."
(Ron Atkinson)

"He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see it all over their faces."
(Ron Atkinson)

"Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."
(Harry Carpenter - BBC TV Boat Race 1977)

"Morcelli has four fastest 1500-metre times ever. And all those times are at 1500 metres."
(David Coleman)

"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
(Metro Radio)

"And later we will have action from the men's cockless pairs..."
(Sue Barker)

"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw."
(Ron Atkinson)

"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."
(David Acfield)

"What will you do when you leave football, Jack, will you stay in football?"
(S. Hall - Radio 5 live)

"There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class."
(David Coleman at The Montreal Olympics)

"One of the reasons Arnie [Arnold Palmer] is playing so well is that, before each tee-shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"
(USTV commentator)

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